The ridiculous nicknames we give our young children

Behind closed doors, children are often not referred to by their real name. Instead, there will be a bonkers array of nicknames in use, like: Pumpkin, Crumpet, Froglett, Monkey Chops. Here are the pet names our readers give their kids…

In my home, nicknames are only used when the mood is high, which is usually at least once a day. When the kids are winding us up, we stick to their given names. But when they are being funny or sweet or silly, we pluck a ridiculous name from the plethora we’ve conjured for them. For example:

Honey Crumpet
Angel Cake
Monkey Chops
Little Crumpet
Cheeky Cheeky

I wanted to know if other parents give their kids similarly embarrassing/ cringey/ ridiculous nicknames so took to Instagram. It seems they do. Top prize probably goes to ‘J-Dilla (all killer no filler)’. Here are some of the others they came up with…

Children’s nicknames…

josietwinning: I am so on this bus! Dilibub, Dilbil,Mins and Minnow for Dilys. And G man has just arrived so I’ve just started collecting them, Griff is also Grifflar, the Griffalo and Griffy. And I’m Jojo.

arthur_eats: Bea wins at this in our house: Beetroot, Betty, Beaty, Beetle..and most often: The Beast. Arthur gets Boo Boo, The Peach and Sausage. He used to be Froglett as a baby. Froggy. Mr Face. Monkey face. Mr monk.

mothers.wellness.toolkit: Ahh we have monkey chops too. I also say chops chops, little boo, bum bum, Moo moo, mr boo… blimey, no wonder my kids find me annoying…

nicola_emmett: Little cracker! I also call him pudding.

happymumsclub: Dilly is sometimes monkey chops but also monkey doodles, Diddlers, Diddles, J-Dilla (all killer no filler), Dynamo Dill… Ted gets Teddles, Teddle-Pops, Mr T. All seem fine when you say them but am cringing writing them down.

ilanabarefeet: Pickle, pumpkin, munchkin, chubbo (he’s only 7 weeks, we’ll drop that before he can understand it!).

emilygrayphoto: Little. chumps. No idea what it means but my middle child used to call the baby that name.

emilygrayphoto: Also Woo-Woo which he will love when he’s older.

katebateson: Monkey chops in our house too. Boo. And sausage pot. They’re going to love us when they’re older!

kirsten_weis: I call my baby Jelly (short for jellybean) so often I sometimes forget her real name…

nicole_pj: If I use my daughter’s actual name she knows she’s in trouble.

nourish_mama_london: baby cakes, pooks, pie, bear, boo… the list goes on!

rupertandmummy: Pickle Pop seems to come out fairly regularly in our house!

dohie_dohie: Ha ha ha! Love this post. Here we go: pudding, puds, pud pud, buddy, bud bud, squidge, squidgey monkey, patooty, toots, toot toot beep beep, polompodink, milk worm, sir screams a lot, the terroriser (when he won’t sleep), squee. Wee squee. I also tell him that he is my heart that crawls about in the real world.

dohie_dohie: Toot toot beep beep and patooty came about as we were in Vietnam when I found out I was pregnant. And the mopeds and bikes continually honk and toot. Background chorus if all the toots and beeps. It was our first name for him. I love hearing all the names that everyone is calling their mini me’s. Gives me the warm and fuzzy feels.

pollypeach: God, same! Raffmeister general, flirty Gertie, roodle doodle strudel, raffertiti. There’s loads of other ones. Probably need to stop some of those now he’s at school!

imheathertaylor: Bubbles, bubkins, grumplestiltskin, bib bob bub, bubba boo boo, Griselda, her name is Iris!!!

helenfrancesmorrison: I love these! We’ve got a William, but nobody ever calls him that – he gets Wilbur, Wilberforce, Wilhelm, Kaiser Wilhelm (both said in German accents by everyone including our 3 year old daughter) and Wilhelmina. Daughter is Ivy and just gets called Crivy if she’s whining.

ali.millar: Ilia gets called Rara – all the boys could say when they were little and it stuck, Soren is Roro, Ro for short, Sullivan is Bear and occasionally Bum Face, winter is winty woo or wooples; I think the locals must think we’re absolutely mad for that and many other reasons.

clementineappuk: Honey. Little chicken. Sproglet!

What nicknames do you have for your children? Let us know in the comments below…